I was wondering about this issue during a bleak and dark time in my life. It was actually after my divorce and I hope from all of my heart that you would never be in such situation during your life, when you start to wonder things from this viewpoint. I hope that my experience and the results that I got could still benefit you with your own life. I am describing the way I got the answers, so you can relate and hopefully it will also function as an argument why these would be valid answers.
I got my answers at the same time when I was thinking about if I would die at that moment when I was thinking about it. If that would had happened, who would participated in my funeral, what would have they remembered me by and would someone miss me after I was gone.
Even as thinking this way was a depressive way to find answers, it gave me very clear picture of myself. I thought that probably I would be remembered as a ok leader, had some money and some other things that were as much non-important that the two first ones are. I also found out that there were only a few people I hoped to participate and at least miss me a little (that I had some positive influence in their lives, as usually missing someone can be seen to linked into a positive thing that cannot be contacted/accessed anymore).
First I thought about the things I thought that I would be remembered by and noticed that there was the missing link between the values of which I would be remembered by and the reasons why people would miss me.
I realized that when I was thinking of reasons why people usually are left missing each other. Very rarely or actually closer to never people will miss you because of you money, things that you had, your influential character or any things like that. Maybe someone could miss an ok boss but, I don’t think that is very strong or lasting feeling. Thinking about this I realized that my own values of which I would be remembered by, were way too much close to those before mentioned tangible things.
This came to me as a shock as it seemed to me that I had not thought about how my personal goals had affected to the things that I now realized to be much more important. Those things were things that I mentioned as the things what would be intangible and valued by those people that I wanted to participate in my funeral and miss me for the reason that I had meant something so positive to them that they really would have had some real reason to miss me.
Then I felt a really pressing need to re-evaluate my on life goals and life values to fit better my actual want and wish being a man that would have people really miss me for being a positive thing in their life. Thinking about what they would see as positive things that I could provide them I first thought of my children. I thought that they would wish from me to be a good father to them. Guide them to a correct way, support them in their life, defend them, be proud of them, have always time for them and if I ever needed to correct them, to do it in a loving way (help them to understand why something needs to be different, understand them, and encourage them to try again).
To my parents I thought that I wanted to be a good son, help them in their own life, show appreciation about the up-bringing and the help that they still provide me with. Also I wanted them to feel that they succeeded in their demanding task of raising up a child who could survive and even succeed in the world they raised me to be in. I unfortunately lost my older sister to a medical condition about 10 years ago, so I felt that they would need to feel that their input to the world produced still something good that will still exist long after they are gone. And also that their input in my life was and still is appreciated.
To my ex-wife I still wanted to be a good friend and a confidant when she would need one. Also I wanted that even as our children are already just entering adulthood that she would feel that I still dependless that our marriage unfortunately ended up in divorce, that I held up my part of raising our children. Even though the divorce I feel and want it to be relayed to her that she is still important to me and as we share so much of joint history that I can and want to be a confidant to whom she can talk about the things that she has no-one else to talk about. I can see those things to be things relating to her own family and things that have a link to the time that we shared together, that she still wants or needs to go trough in her own life. Of course things about our children go to these things automatically.
To my friends I wanted to be a good friend that they could always count on may it be some things that they would need help with (physical or mental) or if they would just like to share time with me. I wanted to try my best to reserve time to them, so they would never feel neglected.
Those were the persons that I felt that I would want to be in my funeral and also I wished that I would have touched their life in a way that they really would have a real reason to miss me. The above text is the sum that I ended up about things what I wanted them to feel from me. When I went trough the list, I did not feel at any moment that it would be a list of demands, rather I felt good that I finally had the time and sense to go trough the things that I was not demanded to do to or for them but what I wanted to be for them.
By making going trough this thought process I finally also felt that by following much more on the list (or the guideline that it showed me) and not to my personal life goals that my life would feel (and it has also felt so) much more like a life I would like to lead with purpose and the purpose is no longer just for myself. Personally after this process I feel that I am now living a life with much more meaning than before this process.
I hope this could inspire you, the reader also, to make your of thought process (in the way you feel best for you) about your life and are your life goals in line with the thought of how you see your life would/should contain as a whole. At least to me, this process regardless of it’s dire/dark point of start ended up improving my life in many important ways.
Thank you for reading!
-Markus
This post is still begin updated. Please come back later to check out the post and the website again after some time. Thank you!
Whether it’s career burnout, general aimlessness or a craving for a new path, most people will hear a call for a positive life change at some point in their lives.
This isn’t about the National Institutes of Health report that 16 million U.S. adults suffer from at least one major depressive episode each year, but rather about a healthy need to jar oneself out of a rut. What to do?
The case studies that follow offer excellent anecdotes that work. The key is to focus on the roots of your doldrums, recognize your power to get on the other side, and map out concrete action steps for moving through this phase and on to your greatness. If you find yourself in a rut, try these tactics to move forward.
The key is to focus on the roots of your doldrums, recognize your power to get on the other side, and map out concrete action steps for moving through this phase and on to your greatness.
- Identify the forces in your life that make you truly happy. Science finds that connection to loved ones, health (exercise specifically), and giving back are all closely connected to happiness. Create goals that include these themes.
- Focus on change. Write down the steps that you will take to move out of your rut. These might be specific things related to the results you want-for example, signing up for a class that introduces you to new people and experiences-but change can be found everywhere. Take a different route to work. Drink your coffee after breakfast instead of before. If you always tackle the elliptical machine at the gym, take on the treadmill. Buy an outfit that is outside of your comfort zone, or travel to new lands. Tackle a new skill that challenges your self-identity. Think of yourself as an introvert? Sign up for improv classes. Convinced you’re not athletically inclined? Enroll in tennis lessons. Are you a confident loudmouth? Go on a silent retreat.
- Get a goal buddy. This might mean asking a close friend, perhaps someone who also wants to make life alterations, or telling your entire network about your plans. Fear of public humiliation can be a powerful, positive force for adherence.
- Be open. You might start this journey with a clear idea of your desired outcomes. But if you do hard internal work and open yourself to the possibilities of positive change, even more amazing evolutions will be revealed. Stay nimble, and say yes.
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